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Archive for January, 2013

CareerDevAn unsatisfying career can be a real downer leading to wanting to do something different in life. A career change can be a daunting task and taking into account the many factors as to why a change is needed can seem overwhelming at times. Forbes Magazine reported that Right Management conducted a one month survey from April to May in 2012 on job satisfaction. Only 19% of the 411 respondents reported job satisfaction. Wow, 79% do not like their jobs.

Let’s throw in some more factors. A sluggish economy creates a power shift that in some ways can leave a dissatisfied employee feeling stuck in a job they don’t like. Poor cash flow equals no raises or promotions and some companies have resorted to some extreme measures that if a person is so much as 5 minutes late to work they be fired. This begins to create more of a survival mentality of endurance than a real career challenge. The thinking gets changed from “what can I do next to further my career” to “what else is realistically possible that I can do, I hope I don’t lose my job.”

Feeling stuck, tired, beat up, worn out, used and no advancement or feeling like there is any place to go can begin to feel depressing, or like a case of the blues. The truth is there are some things a person can do to change their situation. It does not have to be hopeless, in fact, turning things around and taking control of a career can be empowering. This is about turning things around and taking control of the career and being the one in control as opposed to being controlled.

If you find yourself in a job or career and do not like it then it might be time to make a plan. In the book Stephen Covey’s 7 Principles of Highly Effective People, it’s time to put first things first and begin with the end in mind.  Ask this question, “Where am I going and what is it going to take to get there?” In many ways this is like taking a journey. It requires some brainstorming to find out what resources are required. Some trips take longer than others and this is where the planning becomes useful, it becomes like a personal guide to help stay on track, to not lose the path. Create small goals leading to larger goals and celebrate them along the way. Have some rewards in place as part of the planning as this helps create encouragement instead of trudging forward in what can seem like a daunting task.

One final note, be flexible. Allow for changes as unforeseen conditions can throw plans off track and at times create uncertainty. The advantage of being the one who is driving the career change is the planning can be changed at any time to meet current needs. The idea is to keep moving even at times when it seems impossible. There is a difference between struggle and quitting. Quitting is permanent, struggle means a person is still striving for the goal. Be flexible, allow for change along the path, keep an eye on the prize, and if the final goal changes along the way, that is okay too. Sometimes taking a journey can somehow bring about clarity in life about what is really important.

About the author- Brian M Murray is a devoted professional helping to empower people and overcoming difficult obstacles in life. He is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern located in Orlando and Winter Park Florida working as a counselor in a private practice setting at The LifeWorks Group.

Reprint Permission– If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint. “Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2012), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005″

 

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mcx-cheating-spouse-blog-mdWhy did my spouse cheat on me? While there is no simple answer to this question there is no doubt about when the news hits someone about a cheating spouse there is a flood of emotions that come with it. After the initial shock and emotions have subsided they begin to search for the answers as to why it happened. Some personal blame may begin to creep in, or guilt and shame that there could have been something done to prevent it from happening. Initial reactions typically run through the entire list of painful negative emotions such as anger, sadness, anxiety, worry and fear just to name a few.

Looking for answers, the non-cheating spouse will often try to rationalize the behavior or search for meaning as to why the affair happened. Sometimes the answer can be simple but usually there is something going on that is more complex. Here are 5 reasons as to why a spouse can have an affair.

  1. They chose to have one. Let’s just cut right to the chase. Regardless of the underlying reason, on the surface there was an opportunity to have the affair and they chose to move forward with it. There is always a choice whether to have one or not and to speak a simple truth in love is to expose how somewhere along the way that choice was made to have sex outside of the marriage. Like any decision in life there is a choice involved when faced with situations that are within a person’s control.
  2. Unmet emotional needs. One of the most common reasons is unmet emotional needs such as safety, love and nurturing, feeling supported and validated so that the other person feels special and important. When the need is not met then they begin to search for it outside of the marriage. Often this is a feeling or emotion that is running in the background and often not right on the surface and yet there is something that feels unfulfilled. The missing piece is unfulfilled love and intimacy which often becomes confusing by thinking sex is the cure. Feeling the need for sex outside of the marriage is a clear signal that help is needed in order to process through what is going unfulfilled in the relationship.
  3. Unresolved conflict. Marital discord creating anger can manifest outward in a dysfunctional way. Unresolved conflict can lead to feelings of fear of approaching the other spouse leading to perceptions of rejection in an attempt to avoid negativity. The spouse becomes angry and resentful of the spouse and seeks to get consoled elsewhere.
  4. Self pre-occupation. A spouse can feel left out of a marriage because the other spouse is too busy with themselves. This includes working, spending time with other friends and hobbies and a big issue today is spending too much time on the computer and social websites. This becomes an issue with the ignored spouse dealing with loneliness and seeks relationship elsewhere. An increasing factor of marital affairs are due to hook-ups on social websites. Marital affairs have doubled in the past 20 years of which most of it is attributed to people connecting on the internet.
  5. Poor counsel. Where is God in the marriage? What does God’s counsel say regarding marital affairs? Proverbs 13:20 (MSG) “Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.” In other words, the choice of poor company to hang out with creates a negative influence on the marriage. If a spouse is hanging out with a crowd of people who feel indifferent or think that marriage infidelity is acceptable, then watch out, it is conflict with the values that are reflective of what God has created within the context of marriage. The idea is to hang out with like minded people who support marriage and the values that honor the marriage. Listening to God’s word and accepting it covers a multitude of issues regarding marriage. For any marital affair, God’s wise counsel says it plainly in Hebrews 13:4 (NIV) “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

On a final note, sometimes an affair is suspected because of behavior that appears to be non-committal toward the relationship. If there is suspicion that the other spouse might be having an affair then a trust issue has developed. Seek help through a licensed professional who has training with marriage related problems. Through discovery many of the unmet needs that are going unfulfilled in a marriage can be addressed before it becomes a real threat to the marriage.

 

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GodAddiction: Whether drugs, money, alcohol, sex, gambling or whatever it is has more to do with the heart more than anything else. The heart seeks something to fill something missing inside, the emptiness, repeatedly it searches and never finds what it’s looking for. Addiction never satisfies. U2 sings about this longing emptiness that the heart seeks and tries to fill, a void so big only God can fill it. Can music be therapy? Absolutely!

The song by U2 “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” suggest that the heart continues to seek for something that is missing within a person. The person goes to the ends of the earth and searches but all of this searching does not satisfy what it missing inside. Much of this has to do with seeking God and in the lyrics U2 mentions Christ and the carrying of the cross and taking all of the shame. Often what is missing in the presence of God is surrendering the heart over to Him. U2 does a great job reflecting the condition of the heart which is like a form of greed, taking in all of this stuff but the it’s not enough, the heart still desires, it wants more. It is not getting what it truly needs and is being supplemented by false idols when it is really seeking God. Addiction creates a temporary love affair, then the lover goes away, the heart feels lost love and goes after it and the cycle repeats itself over and over.  God doesn’t leave and is always there, it fulfills what the heart seeks and becomes a permanent resident.

This is a great video. Watch it and listen to the words. If you struggle with addiction you may resonate with the lyrics knowing there must be something more to what is being felt, but for some reason it never satisfies. The next hit, the next throw of the dice, just one more girl and then the feeling of being satisfied will happen. Often the truth is in a short amount of time the heart says “I need more, it wasn’t enough, that wasn’t the fix that did the  trick.” The question remains, what is the heart seeking that is not fulfilling it? Seeking God is one thing, surrendering the heart to Him and trading all of those sorrows, guilt and shame for the love of Christ is something different entirely.

 

 

 

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